4.20.99

Over the past week or so you’ve become much more purposeful. Just now, for instance, I watched you work to maneuver the tag of a toy (your favorite part of almost all toys) into your mouth for a good five minutes. It means – this increasing competence, this increasing willfulness – that you are mad if we take a toy away from you – even for a moment – far harder to distract.

We were at Camp this weekend with Gram and Papa and Sal and the boys and Rae and the girls. A number of times, and really for the first time, though there’ve been hints – you wanted me or your Dad. Poor Gram., She had you when you woke up from a nap and screamed ’til I took you. I told Sally – I never quite expected that you’d want me preferentially. I knew you’d love me, knew other kids love their moms, but to experience your real wanting me (rather, I guess, than needing me) was lovely – though I wanted you, too, to know how much Grammy loves you.

When you play in your exersaucer now you’re so strong. You barely lean on the seat at all, but stand tall.

Dad’s entry:

It’s so much fun watching your improving dexterity and coordination. I wonder if I’ll be there and actually see it when you realize that your hands work so much better than your feet that it would probably be best just to focus all your efforts on the hands (now you just use whichever extremity is closest). It was so nice to be at Camp with you, I’m really looking forward to the summer and swimming in the lake. You walked and walked with Kayla in the snuggly and you both had a grand time checking out the surrounds of Camp. You love walking as much as your Ma.

I’m only working 30 hours a week now so we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other, I’m happy about that, but already I’m thinking how hard it will be going back to full time (maybe I won’t!). You snooze like a champ in the car now. It used to be that you couldn’t cross town without some major distress, and you railed against stopping for traffic lights worse than your Grandpa Champ used to. Now we worry that if we take too long a trip you won’t be able to sleep that night ’cause you sleep so soundly in the car.

I found a note today that I wrote to Gram thanking her for her unfailing, non-contingent love and support when I told her Deb was expecting, she was instantly thrilled, but she let out how hard it had been to really be positive about circumstances when she thought we were “going it alone.,” but she managed to. She really was all behind what she thought was our (Deb’s and my) “final” choice. She never asked why we didn’t have a child, she never prodded us to, never even “commented” on her own views on the subject. I marvel how she managed to be so supportive when I see her now with you…The pure foolish joy she gets watching me change your diaper or watching Deb nurse you, and the gaze she has for you when you are in her arms, and you can tell she knew it would be like this, this wonderful. How much she loved (loves) Deb and I to have been willing to readily sacrifice so much to allow us to make our own decision, even when she knew we would be wrong to do it, even when she clearly knew what it would cost her. Such respect and tolerance of others…her mother was like that too…and your mother, how she understands her clients on the street (and how they both seem to understand me), it’s so nice to love and be loved honestly. I hope you inherit that talent.

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